Starting Over in Australia as a Kenyan Woman, What No One Tells You

There’s this idea people have back home… that once you land in Australia, maisha imepangwa. Like things just fall into place. Job, money, nice house, maybe a car in a few months.

Eh.

No one tells you how quiet it can get.

You land here, everything is new, clean, organised… but also very distant. People are polite, yes, but not warm the way we’re used to. Hakuna ile random conversation kwa matatu or kwa shop. You can go a whole day without anyone really talking to you. Not small talk, real talk.

And if you came as a student or dependent, it hits differently.

You were someone back home. You had your people, your routine, your small small respect. Then suddenly you’re here, starting from zero. Accent inakataa kidogo, confidence inashuka, and you find yourself overthinking even simple things like asking for directions or making a phone call.

Then there’s work.

Most of us don’t start where we imagined. You find yourself doing jobs you never saw yourself doing. Night shifts, long hours, standing the whole day. Your body is tired, your mind is somewhere else, but bills don’t care. Rent here is not mchezo.

And nobody prepares you for how expensive it is to just exist. Transport, food, phone, rent… everything is calculated. You start thinking twice before even buying small things like snacks. Ile life ya “tutapanga” back home doesn’t work here. Ukikosea kidogo, it shows immediately.

Then there’s loneliness.

This one is heavy but people don’t talk about it enough. You miss your people. Not just family, but familiarity. The noise, the laughter, the feeling of belonging somewhere without trying too hard.

Here, you have to build everything again. Friendships, networks, even trust. And it takes time. Sometimes you meet people, but it’s not the same. Everyone is busy, everyone is focused on surviving their own situation.

For women, there’s another layer.

You’re still expected to hold everything together. Be strong, be supportive, be responsible. Whether you came with a partner or alone, there’s pressure. Financial pressure, emotional pressure, sometimes even silent competition with other people’s “progress.”

You see someone posting wins, new car, new job, trips… and you’re there wondering if you’re the only one struggling.

You’re not.

Most people just don’t say it.

And relationships… whew.

Distance changes things. Power dynamics change. Money issues show up. Stress shows up. You learn quickly that love alone is not enough when real life starts pressing from all sides. Some relationships grow, some break quietly.

But in the middle of all that, something else happens.

You adjust.

Slowly, you find your rhythm. You learn the systems. You understand how things work. You become more confident, even if it’s not loud. You start making decisions better. You become sharper, tougher.

You realise you can actually handle more than you thought.

And maybe you don’t become the version of yourself you imagined before coming here. But you become someone else. Someone who has seen both sides, struggle and growth, and is still standing.

If you’re in that phase right now, feeling like things are not moving, like you’re stuck, like you made the wrong decision… relax kidogo.

It’s not that you’re failing.

You’re just starting over.

And starting over is never as pretty as people make it look.